Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Desires of my Heart

For a while now I have been thinking of my family and putting my family ahead of myself.  It started a few months back when I told my friends no, I can't keep going on coffee dates several times a week.  E was just a few months old. I wasn't getting much sleep during the night. I was in a zombie state most of the day. Besides the baby I have a preschooler who doesn't nap and goes to preschool two mornings a week(I drive her there and pick her up) and I have a school age boy (I picked him up after school) who needs help getting ready in the mornings.  Our home was lacking - me. The laundry was out of control, beds never made, tornadoes in the kids bedroom, dishes everywhere in the kitchen (no dishwasher) and a bit of everything in the living room.

It could be said that it was because I have a new born.  And that is true. Our place (all of us) was getting use to a new born in the home.  But I started feeling I was spending too much time out of the home. If for example Ri was in preschool, I would hang out with a friend. Then after preschool it was suggested we have a play date with our girls. Then it would be time to go get J from school. I would usually be rushed and after school we would enter our disaster home and not only would I be tired from being up several times a night, I would feel overwhelmed because of the condition of our home.

God had started working on my heart, he gave me the courage to say no. No, I am sorry I can't have a play date today.  No, I can't go for coffee.  I know I need time for me. But the time I was spending at that particular time, made me feel rushed, overwhelmed and anxious. If it is time for me, I should be feeling joy and happiness, not worrying about things at home. At this time I think I have a better balance.  One preschool morning I go to my Women's Bible Group.  The other morning it is for me. In the evenings when the kids are in bed, I walk with a friend.  I feel less rushed and actually enjoy the time when I am away from the home.

About a month a go Terry and I had a talk about or children. We talked about our time spent with the kids. I had come from Mom's Group and one of the moms speaking that day talked about how quantity time with kids is more important than quality time with kids. She said out of the quantity time spent with our children the quality time will come. One of the things we decided is that we won't be on our phones when we are with the kids. 

A few weeks ago I deactivated my facebook account. I was spending too time just looking at what other people were doing. My five minutes would turn into twenty.  I will probably go back.  But for right now I am facebook free.

The desires God has been putting in my heart lately is focus for my marriage, my kids and my home. They are strong desires. A while ago I bought Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home by Courtney Joseph, I read pages but I haven't read the book. This morning after reading a passage in my Bible (I'm reading 1 Chronicles) I read the first chapter in the book.  It said a lot of things I needed to hear. 

All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart. 
Proverbs 21:2

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