Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Lost in Motherhood

I'm sitting at my computer, green tea (trying to limit the coffee today) steaming out of one of my favourite mugs and my little guy (E) is whining from his crib.  Please just fall asleep, I say over and over in my mind. In about an hour and a bit, I will leave and pick up the other two from school.

I have an hour and a bit.  Looking around our place, you could say "Might need more time than that".  Very true.  There is an over flowing laundry basket on the living room floor, Costco paper towels that hubby brought home on the living room couch. Beds are unmade, clothes on the bathroom floor.  And supper has to be made.  Ri has hockey this evening around supper time.  It is much easier to come home to a cooked meal than trying to make something last minute when you have no last last minute meals.  Yes, a slow cooker meal would be perfect for a day like this.

This morning hubby left for work really early, so he could home early to help take Ri to hockey.  I tried getting E to sleep this morning, but it was a no go.  So, I ended up taking a semi sleepy little one to Bible Study.  He played there, ate there and the last ten minutes there, he nursed and fell asleep.

Why am I sitting here, sipping green tea and really writing about nothing? Because I never write anymore. I know I am not a fantastic writer but it is something I do enjoy. I love to read but haven't read a book in forever, sitting outside with a cup of coffee on a fall day was my favourtie thing to do.  It has been years since I did that. Yes, I have read those "Don't forgot about yourself" articles too.

But I haven't been doing even the little things for myself.  Putting on make up and doing my hair seems like such a chore now. Now a days, I think of my husband, the kids, the household, friends, activities and did I spend enough time with God today?  And then I have the guilt feeling of not of done enough or have done it the right way.

I see these moms on twitter and instagram smiling make up, lipstick, hair done moms.  And I look down at myself in a stained shirt, comfy pants and think to myself  "What are you doing?"

There is just under an hour now before I go get the kids, my green tea is nearing the bottom, E has finally fallen asleep. Supper still has to be made, the laundry still has to be folded, but for a half hour or more, I spent time time enjoying something that is for me. 

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